I think I must have written the title at least a dozen times over before I settled with this.
The thing is, I did not want this piece to be cliché or sappy. I did not want this piece to be a list of things you can do to be happy or find happiness or just live your best creative life.
Sometimes just reading a bunch of bullet points, (telling you facts that you already know) are not enough for you to get off your butt and actually make an effort to flip the way you feel into something more positive.
The truth is, no one can be happy all the time. No one.
But if you are, then I am really happy for you. That can also mean that you are living in a sheltered bubble of humanity, but if that rocks your boat then who am I to say otherwise. You do you.
And yes, there will be days where all you would want to do is be a total blanket burrito and watch endless hours of Netflix (read: Gilmore Girls) and that’s ohkay. But those are the days that you need to be extra careful about.
Because you need to distinguish when those days are required to preserve your self-sanity and when you are just spiraling down a self-moping staircase into self-pity and doubt. Also just feeling sorry for yourself and your predicament.
Make that line. Define why you find the sudden urge to drink bottomless cups of tea and dress in your fluffiest sweaters, just to sit in the corner and stare into space.
And once you figured that out, it’s just a process of picking it up from there.
Now where is all this coming from?
Well, if you have noticed me being a little MIA from posting regularly, I guess you could say I was in a little over my head. But in all the right ways.
After what could have been a really, really long time, I was happy. Like, genuinely happy. I found happiness in the most simplest of things, it was borderline funny. (Read: grey skies on an early morning)
But it made me happy.
I mean, I know I keep harping ‘be happy, be happy’ in a lot of my posts here but I think I am going to approach this emotion a little differently now.
I am not going to force myself to be happy.
Because I realized the more I push it, the more pressuring it sounds to actually just go and be happy. It’s not as easy as it sounds, you know?
And some people condone forcing yourself to be happy till you actually are. Fake it till you make it, they say. But with the way I have observed certain people around me, how long can you pretend everything is ohkay when it really isn’t?
How is that going to solve the root problem of why you are feeling sad in the first place?
How long are you going to pretend that the job you are in is do-able- but soulless and not meaningful? That the relationship you are in saved you- but it is fact is eluding you from fixing the main problematic traits within you that desperately need attention? How long are you going to pretend you have it all together till one day you spontaneously just combust into shambles unable to just take it all.
Pretty heavy, huh?
Well, tolerance level is one thing. But introspection is another.
If you keep shoving everything under the rug and go on with life like nothing is wrong, then how will you ever re-do the groundwork that establishes the very foundation of who you are?
It’s eventually going to lead to more mini-break downs, more dull days, more blanket burrito days and more days of staring into space.
But hey, no one really looks at how much you are taking in, but the moment you snap- people are suddenly paying attention.
If I began to tell you how my 2017 has been, there is one thing I have learned from it all is that, don’t pretend. Stop pretending. Stop caring what people think if you are being a moping mess. So what if you are? You need to be a moping mess right now, and that’s what you are going to do. Your soul needs it.
Stop pretending everything is ohkay when it clearly isn’t.
Very recently I have also realized that pretending you have it all together when you really don’t isn’t going to let anyone know that you need help. And it doesn’t have to be psychiatric help. It could be something as simple as a long phone conversation with a friend, the onset of a healthier lifestyle, a beautiful writing session in a pretty little coffee shop, a good laugh with family or maybe it could also be a good long cry on the bathroom floor. Alone.
And oh, I am not talking about depression here. Being depressed is a much bigger conversation, and I suggest you actually do get professional help for it.
What I am referring to are those small little problems in life that just overwhelms you for no reason. It could be an emotional distress, a physical distress, or even a social distress. But those small little hurdles in life that stop you from running a bigger race.
Those small things that soon snowball into bigger meltdowns. Now we don’t mean to create an avalanche, but if it happens, find a way to dispel it. Healthily.
And hey, why is ‘creative’ in the title?
Because dispelling those little mulling moments can best be done by getting a little creative. Do something that makes you happy. Make something that makes you happy. With your hands, or even with your head. Create something.
If you try focusing your energy into projects and work then slowly that negative energy will ebb away. Not even ebb, it will dissipate entirely with time.
If I don’t feel happy today, it doesn’t mean I have an underlying bout of sadness. I just feel a little off. I am going to find out what makes me feel this way, let that settle in, and move the freak on.
You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.
May you grow stronger each day,